I’m a working mom. Like so many other moms out there I leave the house before 7am and I don’t get home until after 4pm. That’s only if I have nothing else I have to get done…like run to the bank, go to the store, grab dinner, or attend any other social, work, or church related event. As a wife and mom, once I get home from work there is still plenty to do like make dinner, do laundry, pick up the house, eat dinner, do the dishes, and most importantly spend time with my husband and son. On an average day, I get to see my son for 3 hours and I know there are so many other women out there who know exactly what I’m talking about.
Leaving the house in the morning is the hardest thing. Holding my sons little fingers in my hand while we play and talk and then having to let them go so I can get to work on time just breaks my heart. Because all I want to do is keep playing and keep talking with him.
I’m told it gets easier and that over time I’ll get used to it. But as the days go by it just seems to be getting harder and harder. Every day he learns something new, grows more into himself, and his adorable personality flourishes that much more…and I’m missing it. I’m missing out on these precious moments and I know that they don’t come back. He will never be 2 weeks old again, he will never be 1 month old again, he will never be 3 months and 10 days old again. He is growing up so fast and I feel like I’m missing out. It’s breaking my heart.
Everyday I desperately pray to God that He will open the doors to let me come home. I believe that as much as it breaks my heart to leave Holden every morning, it breaks God’s heart that much more…because He’s a parent too and He loves me and Josh and Holden more than I could ever even understand. I know He isn’t trying to torture me by making me leave to go to work everyday, although some days that’s what it feels like. My life, my husband’s life, and my son’s life are in His hands and He knows what’s best for us and He wants the best for us. I believe that. I believe that He is at work in my life and I need to have faith. That means not complaining everyday how hard it is to be gone all day, not pouting about my situation, not daily doubting God. That’s not faith.
I’m taking a leap of faith. I am speaking into existence, I am praying, I am writing it on my heart, and living it out in my actions that God is at work and He will provide a way for me to be a full time stay-at-home mom. I don’t know how long it will take, and I don’t know how it will happen, but I have FAITH that it WILL.
In the meantime I will be grateful for my current circumstances. Yes, I have to be gone all day, but I am also still serving my husband and my son by working. I am grateful for the stability and health insurance that my job provides and the opportunities it gives us. I don’t want to take what God has given me for granted. Working full time encourages me to be that much more intent and focused as a wife and mother during the hours I do have with my family. I want to see my schedule change and I believe that it will, but in the meantime God has a plan and it’s bigger and better than mine and I need to trust and obey Him fully. He knows my heart, He knows my needs, and He knows my desires and He will take care of everything according to His plan.
My Dear Sweet Wife
What’s the cause of all our strife?
It used to be just us two
and now the kisses are far and few
The bills and stress are always looming
And it feels like our tempers are always fuming
Our marriage isn’t something I’m willing to lose
Divorce will never be something I choose
I want to see you and me smile
So let’s go the extra mile
The dinner and dishes can wait
Because babe I want to take you on a date
It’s time to stop the fuss
Let’s get back to us
Babe you’re my everything
I meant it when I gave you that ring
I promised you a lifetime of love and trust
And I will keep my word until we meet the dust
It’s time for us to get our priorities straight
You, me, and a good old fashioned date
Let’s turn off the stress
and how about you put on that dress
We’ll dance the night away
And find no reason to stray
There will always be bills and stress and some reason to cuss
But babe the most important thing is us
I want to make it right
Our love is worth the fight
I chose forever with you
To you only I will always be true
You are my beautiful wife
And the only one I want with me in this life
Let’s get back to us
First and MOST important part of my day. I absolutely love coffee and I have been drinking it everyday since I was 12. I’m kind of a coffee snob and I spend a small fortune on my coffee every year. I don’t go out and get a latte every day or anything like that, I prefer a good strong cup (or 2…maybe 3) of brewed coffee with a little bit of milk every morning. Every. Single. Morning.
I feel naked without my phone. It’s pretty pathetic that I feel that way and I’m not proud of it, but my phone is kind of like a security blanket. I use it all day long to text, make calls, check my email, update Facebook, check the weather forcast, etc. I hate that I feel like I need it. But I need it.
There are many mornings when I am in a rush and don’t have a whole lot of time to get ready. I have to be at work at 7am and most of the time Holden wakes up while I’m getting ready and it’s hard not to play with him instead of get ready. 2 or 3 days out of the week my hair ends up in a bun so I feel like earings just makes me look a lot more put together. I feel dressed up and professional with a pair of dangly earings in.
A little color goes a long way. It’s winter in Montana like 10 months out of the year…well maybe closer to 8, but after the first few my complexion starts to look pretty darn pasty. So when I’m tired, don’t have a lot of makeup on, or just need to dress up a little, wearing even a little color helps so much. The easiest and most convenient thing for me to wear is lip shimmer, it’s light and easy to apply.
I never miss breakfast. often times its something I have to grab on the go or have made the night before but I always have something like cheerios, eggs, or an english muffin. I have to eat in the morning and breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Hydration, hydration, hydration. Water is soooo important! I used to really struggle with drinking water but ever since I got an amazing water bottle my habits have completely changed. My skin looks so much better when I stay hydrated.
It’s a great day if I get myself out of bed at 5am and spend some time reading my Bible, doing a devotional, and spending some one on one time with God. I don’t always have time for all of it, but everyday, at some point, I’m praying.
You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile
Just a couple reflections from last week. Let’s start this week smiling!
1. New Car
Last week my husband and I finally bought a new car. We have been talking about it for almost a year now. Big decisions like this take us forever to decide on. But, we finally did it. We got rid of my 11 year old car with 122,000 miles on it and traded it in for a brand new 2014 Subaru Legacy. So far we are loving it! It was hard to finally just bite the bullet and do it, neither of us have ever driven a new car before, but we are so glad we did. Having Holden really changed our perspective on a lot of things, so we wanted a good, safe, reliable car.
2. Holden Learned to Roll!
Holden is now a rolling machine. He is 3 days away from his 4 month mark and lastweek he figured out he could roll from his back to his stomach and back again. It was so exciting to watch him figure it out and now he just loves it. Holden is definitely a ‘mover”. He likes to stand, sit, jump, roll, play, and do anything accept lay around. The more he learns he can do, the happier and more excited he gets. He is SO MUCH FUN!!
3. Brand New Niece
Josh’s older sister and her husband found out they were pregnant with their third child this past summer and on Wednesday Morning March 12 their little girl was born. They named her Aria Noelle and she and Holden are only 4 month apart. Yay for new cousins!
4. Weekend in Bozeman
This weekend we went to the beautiful town of Bozeman, MT. Josh’s dad lives there so Holden gets to spend time with his other grandparents, the guys went skiing, and the girls went shopping and basked in the baby time. And we got to take our new car on it’s first road trip!
5. Applied for a new Position
I work for a great company in Montana and have been with them for over 2 years. I’ve been in the same department and feel like it’s time for a change. I’ll be honest, it’s been SO HARD going back to work now that I’m a mom. I pray every day that God will open the doors for me to be a stay at home mom, but for now I am working. A new position came open in a different department that is right up my alley, so I decided to just go for it. I just really want to live out the plan God has for my life, so I’m trying not stress or obsess over anything. God has an amazing plan for my life and I just want to open to it, faithful, and obedient. If the new position is part of that then great and if not, then I know HE has something else in store for me. Trying to remember that I work for HIM.
Here’s to a GREAT week and being excited about all the things God has in store!